Dear Mothers

This page is addressed to you – not as an opposing party, but as a parent.
We know: a separation is painful, often hurtful, sometimes chaotic. And yet there remains a task that you share with the father of your child – regardless of how the relationship ended: giving your child a stable future.

Die Bruderschaft supports fathers. But we also talk honestly about what research says – and what your child needs. This page isn't meant to lay blame. It's meant to help you make an informed decision.

What your child really needs

Children love both parents – even when adults sometimes find that hard to acknowledge. Decades of psychological research clearly show:

Emotional stability

Children with regular contact with both parents show significantly fewer behavioral problems, anxieties and depression – even in cases where the parents have a tense relationship.

Identity development

Children need both sides of their origin in order to develop a healthy self-image. The absence of a parent often leaves unconscious gaps – lasting into adulthood.

Resilience

Children who learn that conflicts between adults do not endanger the love for them develop significantly greater emotional resilience.

Attachment ability

Children who experience denial of contact more often have, as adults, difficulties with trust and stable relationships – regardless of who was responsible for it.

The relationship level and the parenting level are two different things

This is one of the most important thoughts we want to share with you:

The separation ends the relationship – but not the parenthood.

What happened between you and the father of your child doesn't have to determine what your child experiences. You don't have to like him – but you can still allow him to be a father. Two levels that many people unconsciously mix up – which almost always comes at the expense of the child.

What this means in concrete terms: You don't have to take a joint vacation. You don't need to maintain a friendly contact. You don't need to write messages without necessity. But you can organize clear, functional handovers – and give your child the feeling: "My parents are managing this for me."

What also makes things easier for you

It's not just about the child – your own situation also changes when contact works:

  • Less escalation, less stress. Court disputes cost nerves, money and years. Anyone who finds a functioning level early on saves themselves that.
  • Financial relief. Disputes about contact, custody and maintenance tie up resources. Lawyers, proceedings, expert reports – that's expensive for both sides. A settlement saves you real money.
  • Free time for yourself. If the father actively takes on care time, that creates time that belongs to you – for work, rest, your own needs.
  • Less emotional double burden. Children who sense that Mom and Dad "have it handled" ask less, complain less, demand less emotional processing.
  • Legal certainty. In Austria, children have a right to contact with both parents. Courts assess willingness to cooperate – actively and consistently.

Even minimal contact counts – and helps

You don't have to enable weekly visits right away. Sometimes a short phone call is enough at the start. A joint outing every two weeks. A few hours. A little is significantly more than nothing – for your child, and for the long-term dynamic between you two.

Psychological studies show: even in initially highly conflict-laden separation situations, the climate between the parents improves when regular – even if minimal – contact is established. Because the father then is no longer an abstract threat, but a concrete person with a role.

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Sometimes it only takes a single honest conversation – without accusations, with minimal concessions that can be built upon. A years-long conflict can be ended within a single afternoon.

We accompany exactly that – with a structured contact plan, clear agreements and real experience from hundreds of cases. No tribunal. No accusation. Just a joint step forward – for your child.

What this page does not say

This page is not an appeal to endure a situation that harms you or your child. There are situations in which contact is not possible or not reasonable – in cases of proven violence, acute danger, severe addiction. We fully respect that. And you can, and should, also contact us here if other organizations that specialize only in women reach their limits. We have many women in our network whom affected mothers can turn to, while we simultaneously take over communication and support on the men's side.

But in most separations, the situation is not that extreme. In many cases, the rejection is understandable – but not what helps the child the most.

We are here for mothers too.

Do you have questions about how to organize contact? Are you facing a specific situation and don't know how to proceed? Or would you simply like a neutral assessment?

We do not take sides. We stand for the child. And we speak openly – with mothers just as with fathers. Contact us.

Get in touch +43 650 9019 707